Getting married and having your own wedding is one of the most important decisions of our lives. I knew that I had to get married at one point in my life and I knew to whom I am going to get married but even when it all got finalised it took me a lot of time to realise that it’s actually happening.
Getting married is one major milestone for all of us but the process of getting married is even more difficult than saying “I do”. I always wanted my wedding to be quite simple (Unlike our so called Pakistani cultural & festive wedding traditions) I had my Nikkah in January 2016 and in December 2016 I had to have my Waleema (and thats it). The delay between my Nikkah and Waleema is yet another story but today I am taking you to this wedding journey only.
In this whole of year 2016 I have been through a lot of hurdles and pre planning phases while just planning that one Wedding Day (which initially i was thinking to be an easy job). It even gets more stressful and emotional when the countdown starts for the wedding day and you realise that Oh! You are just approaching to it.
Here I am bringing all the lessons that I have learned throughout my wedding journey. I know some of you won’t agree to what I say but if you need a minimalist and realistic planning that is achievable all on your own in a short time then grab your wedding journal and a cup of coffee to pen this down 🙂
I have seen people doing so many pre wedding events like, dholki, manyun, mehndi, dua. It’s fun to have so many wedding shows but it can be a nightmare if there is a poor planning and lose management. If you have a great team of event planners and a huge family to look after every important detail then it’s cool, give it a go. If you are a one man army or just a small group of 2-3 people then it’s a bad idea. Try to do events that you can handle easily. Usually brides are so Miss Perfecto that even enjoying that moment isn’t a thing for them they keep managing the event till the last minute.
It’s just easy to end up comparing your wedding to other people’s, or worrying that your wedding won’t look as spectacular as those you see on instagram and facebook but understand the ground realities. Do whatever is easy and enjoyable for you. Over managed (when the bride on the stage is the Boss) or under managed events are hard to digest.
Focus on your needs and wants:
We always get confused between what we need and what we want. While wedding shopping you have to make a clear set of instructions for yourself. Your wedding dress, makeup photography booking, jewellery etc is your need for the day. If you buy bulk of expensive makeup just to try all that on your wedding day (you are not Nikki or Jeffree Star to throw a freaking tutorial over youtube) then take a chill and save your pocket.
Try to negotiate with your wants and plan them for the future to stay in your wedding budget.
Simplify wherever you can:
As I told you earlier that I did not go for any wedding shows, so over all it was a simple minimalist approach from my side. My wedding dress was quite practical and beautiful. All other dresses that I wanted to wear after my wedding on family dinners I got them made to be utilised. I did not go for the Fast fashion dresses and shoes rather I preferred to keep the stuff that can stay in my wardrobe forever.
I only had my rukhsati dinner (Which was more like a lawn party) night before my waleema as I never wanted to end up having a big fat Barat event. However we had a huge Waleema it was the only main event of the bride and groom.
While deciding all these events its important to have harmony and understanding with your partner. My husband also wanted to have a simple event.
My in laws had a small Manyun event a night before my Rukhsati dinner. We were also invited but it was really simple and we had a great family time.
PS: It’s a wiser decision not to have any kind of social pressure and do things that you feel are easy to do.
Prepare yourself for the worse:
Life can’t be a Disney movie where you are Princess with a perfect scenario. I always tell everyone its OK if someone did not like your dress. It’s OK if someone (Typical Pakistani) did not like the food at your wedding or the decor that you had. You will hear a lot of things which were not perfect for your guests but “You need to keep swimming”.
I don’t like myself with tons of Makeup and caked face and on the day of my wedding I realised that it’s fine if I don’t look perfect with my makeup. I can’t do it on my own so someone has to do it. atleast my stylist won’t make me look like Ursula from the little mermaid 😀 and I swear it was not a disaster. Just learn to Laugh through the Hiccups.
Everything will be sorted at the end:
I kept doing the preparations from the start but even then there were things that were left till the last minute. This gets so stressful when everything is dependent on your something. Your shoes are dependent on your dress color, clutch is dependent on the jewellery, photoshoot venue is dependent on the wedding venue etc etc.
Oh bride! you need to have this belief that all will go well at the end. The whole chain of dependencies will get over just a week before your wedding. I received my wedding dress just 30 minutes before leaving for Karachi – I had several mini heart attacks but one think I kept reminding myself – Fariha Just don’t lose your calm.
Don’t get lost in the minor details:
Don’t be a Miss perfectionist, otherwise you won’t find joy throughout the process. If you have hired the photographer let him/her decide the poses for the photoshoot. If you have hired the event planners let them give you a plan and then you can add your ideas in that.
No one will feel less respected if the flowers on their table aren’t matching the drapes. People go through major issues (Like my event planner ran away couple of hours before my event) but I had to stay composed because I was the bride and my family was looking up to me. Focus on the big things and let the minor be the minor ones.
To do lists are your best friends:
Start making lists of the things that you need to do as soon as you start planning. Breakdown your one major task into small activities. That will help you will feel accomplished with every tick on your to do list
For example – if your major task is getting a wedding dress then breakdown in to
- Find the latest designers
- Decide the color
- Take appointment from the designer
- Market tour
Everyone has an opinion:
It’s good to be around people who have opinions but it gets difficult when someone repeatedly impose their opinions over you. Try not to worry about what everyone else is saying. Catch the ideas that you like and leave the ones that bother you. Your wedding will be YOURS. In all its perfections and imperfections, your wedding will be amazing.
You don’t have to buy everything:
Usually girls get greedy over things. I took out things from my closet and separated the stuff that I can take along. I took out all my makeup and accessories and listed down only the things that I needed. This exercise helped me save a lot of money that I would have spent just by thinking of “ Maire shadi hai sub kuch naya hona chahye”
Invest In a good photographer:
Just because someone has amazing equipment and he/she charges a big amount doesn’t necessarily mean that they are amazing photographers.
While finalising the photographers you need to see their aesthetics of capturing your moments. We (I and my Husband) did the biggest mistake of taking this for granted and now we regret while looking back to our pictures.You invest your life in this whole event it should look beautiful in your memory book as well.
I hope these tips will help you to make better and wiser decisions for your wedding day.
Take a chill,grab your cup of coffee and start working for your day #Staychic